NEW YORK — Compassionate Queens native Kacey Mora selflessly volunteered her time to help bathe actor and infrequent washer Jake Gyllenhaal, sources close to the…
Yes, before you ask, these are bed bug bites all over my body, and no, I do not need the number of a great exterminator…
NORTH HALEDON, N.J. — Local man and filthy roommate Mickey Bedford was caught running the sink for a few short seconds on Tuesday evening in…
PORTLAND, Maine — Poland Spring executives announced yesterday that they will re-release their flagship, original recipe water for the first time in over 100 years…
WASHINGTON — Residents of the punk house collective known as Radistan have reportedly “lost their goddamn fucking minds if they think anyone is going along…
ROSEDALE, Miss. — Local punk Kerry Gagne is stuck with several loads of unwashed laundry that she was planning to wash at her parents’ home…
SACRAMENTO — Local punk house staple and thought to be beloved cat GG Mewollin is actually an opossum, veterinary sources confirmed. “GG is a fucking…
HACKENSACK, N.J. — A new report from the Brookings Institute has found that nationwide gym closures due to the coronavirus have left the nation’s weird,…
ZANESVILLE, Ohio — Tensions between two punk roommates are on the rise today after a months-long feud over whose turn it is to throw a…
JACKSON, Miss. — A Department of Sanitation report released early this morning stated that giant piles of garbage in passenger seats of messy cars across…
MACON, Ga. — Local diner and well-known “disgusting shithole” Rocky’s Grill has reportedly been hosting local punk rock shows at night in what’s being called…
DENVER — Local anomaly and known dirtbag David Gunther has perplexed a team of scientists with his disgust at the hypothetical prospect of a woman…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Entrepreneur and stay-at-home roommate Eunice Gibbs begrudgingly washed the dishes this morning left from her dinner last Thursday after coming upon the…