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Opinion: I’m Just Gonna Let the Bed Bugs Run Their Course

Yes, before you ask, these are bed bug bites all over my body, and no, I do not need the number of a great exterminator you know. It may be unconventional, but I have opted to deal with MY bedbugs by going the natural route and just letting them run their course.

Do you know how these things spread in the first place? Someone in this apartment building must have sprayed for them, so they migrated to my place. Thanks a lot, asshole. Well unlike my neighbor, I’m not gonna take the easy way out, which in this case happens to be the very hard and expensive anyway. I’m gonna man up and let these fuckers run their natural course, ending the cycle once and for all.

The buck stops here. You’re welcome, everybody!

I know we live in the age of “oh, vaccinate this!” and “put a mask on that!” and “no seriously, if you refuse to wear a mask we will ask you to leave!” bullshit. Well folks, as you may have forgotten, there’s a little thing called an immune system and it does a pretty great job when we leave it the fuck alone and let it do its thing.

Bed bugs have been around a lot longer than bed bug gas and special shampoo or whatever the fuck; people used to just deal with them. In fact, going through a cycle of bed bugs is probably beneficial to the human biome because it’s like, what we’re used to. That sounds like something Rogan might say, so it’s probably true.

Currently the bugs are in the “biting the shit out of me” part of their life cycle. It’s causing me to develop itchy rashes all over my body. This is natural, and will trigger an immune system response. Within a few weeks my wounds will not only heal, but I will become stronger. Eventually I will become immune to the bites and the bugs, deprived of their natural food source (me) will naturally die off.

What you call “bed bug bites and open sores” I call “weakness leaving the body.” And don’t try to give me some big high and mighty earful about spreading them everywhere I go, because I’m wearing the damned mask, OKAY?!