RUCKERSVILLE, Va. — Local man Camden Singh had his overall worldview and philosophy shattered then reformed no less than six times while using social media…
BROWNSVILLE, Texas — Six-year-old Danny Crothers is reportedly continuing to discuss his future dreams with no regard to the fact that the planet won’t even…
LANSING, Mich. — 14-year-old goth Sarah Marpa suffered a series of horrendous nightmares after watching lighthearted rom-com “The Wedding Singer” with her parents, confused family…
NEW YORK — Local depressive Naomi Roman was teetering on the brink of mental collapse Thursday morning until her suicidal thoughts were deterred after she…
Depression is brutal. Many of us try to fight it by exercising, meditating, or even going to extreme measures like eating a vegetable. But as…
CHESAPEAKE, Va. — A local dog was left anxiety-ridden and unable to finish his pile of vomit yesterday after being abandoned at home by his…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local depressed woman Jane Lively mindlessly broke the hot dog-eating world record yesterday after consuming 76 weiners in her darkened, unkempt living…
OSLO, Norway — Local black metal frontman “Iscariot” allegedly saw nothing but his own shallow reflection in a Rorschach test administered yesterday by a psychiatrist,…
BOSTON — Local straight edger Alana Enders’ depression ostensibly reached a new low when she told the bartender at White Horse Tavern to “leave the…
ELKTON, Md. — The audience at Saturday night’s The Foothold Precinct show proved to be physically unable and unwilling to give it up for themselves…
ALAMEDA, Calif. — Local punk venue The Frick House installed depressed tenant Adam Gould on their couch yesterday, with full access to multiple streaming services,…
BALTIMORE — Depressed researchers at Johns Hopkins University suggest a proper night’s sleep should last between 14 and 18 hours per night, according to a…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Friends of local man Jeremy Torres are unsure if his new girlfriend Laura Kelly is incredibly laid back or in desperate need…
NEW YORK — In a performance challenging the very definition of the word “event,” David Blaine will continually eat Olive Garden breadsticks for three days…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A ray of off-seasonal sunshine last week showed local goth Mark “Markness the Darkness” Patel that his shirt was actually a deep…