Ben Friedman
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WASHINGTON — Abaddon the Destroyer, an immortal demon from the deepest depths of hell, begged an exorcist to free him…
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Harley Murgatroyd
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So the long nights of partying, getting wasted, and 2 am Taco Bell have taken a toll on your aging,…
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Peter Woods
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ST. LOUIS, Mo. — Local crust punk Lou “Canker Sore” Schultz revised his bucket list to include getting a disease…
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Gracie Beaver-Kairis
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SALEM, Mass. — Local flea market patron Harold Barnes met a genie who asked if it could bum three wishes…
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MEDFORD, Mass. — The basement practice space at 234 Syrup Street is reportedly overrun by enough Aspergillus fumigatus to dampen…
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Ben Friedman
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NEW YORK — Lifelong city resident Danny Rossi started a campaign early this week denouncing the legitimacy of a city…
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SAN ANTONIO — Multi-instrumentalist Eli “Smudge” Goodwin threw the entire local folk-punk scene into disarray when he tried to make…
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Stephen Bell
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TORONTO — Crust punk Seth Ulrich tragically bled to death yesterday after making the unfortunate decision to floss his teeth…
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Wilson Conkwright
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LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Local crust punk Skye Mathtison is leaning hard into self-help culture for 2024, pinning pictures of his…
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Patrick Crooks
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OLYMPIA, Wash. — Crust punk Brad DelFino’s bathing attempt brought tragedy to his community yesterday, as sources report the 10-minute…
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