To this day, you vividly remember that Sunday evening twenty years ago. You were out to dinner when your Motorola RAZR V3 rang. You politely…
GARY, Ind. — Chicago-bound United passenger Colin Jenkins refused to uncross his arms and assume the crash position despite the plane being in an irreversible…
CHARLOTTE N.C. — 35-year-old punk stock trader “Big” Tim Treadwell jumped out of a speeding van’s window yesterday after receiving bad news about his portfolio…
HAMPTON, Va. — Some stupid-ass bitch with her head up her ass who cut me off coming down Jefferson just pulled into the animal shelter…
RICHMOND — Local cyclist, Peter Williams, survived a collision with an unoccupied van parked on a heavily-trafficked street late this morning thanks to his bicycle…
SEATTLE — A local property management company announced they will begin offering fully furnished punk houses which will include a guy who eats all the…
ST. LOUIS — Local man Connor Goodman checked the stock market today and was too confused by what he read to feel any sense of…
UNKNOWN — Survivors of Icelandair Flight 198, which crashed somewhere deep in the Arctic tundra last week, lauded vegan survivor Michael Hagen’s unwillingness to sacrifice…
Lately, there has been a lot of buzz about Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell somehow resembling a turtle. I personally have trouble comparing the two…
Your typical video game mascot will tell you right away in their name if they are an animal. For starters, there’s Sonic the Hedgehog, Ecco…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Local punk Eddy “Rotgut” Lewiston made a panicked phone call to his parents to make sure his vast fortune was not affected…
LANCASTER, Pa. — Police officers on the scene of a texting and driving accident last night that claimed the life of a local teen confirmed…
MANCHESTER, N. H. — Democratic Presidential Candidate Bernie Sanders announced today that he is seeking additional staff for his election campaign, looking in particular for…
HARTFORD, Conn. — The world-renowned Smithson Symphony Orchestra asked their audience at the Hartford Opera House last night if anyone could offer them a place…
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Upon reaching the final round of famed television game show “The Price is Right,” punk David Klein admitted his hope that the…