HACKENSACK, N.J. — A new report from the Brookings Institute has found that nationwide gym closures due to the coronavirus have left the nation’s weird,…
GLENSIDE, Penn. — A new report from the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention states that a majority of American’s are still battling to find…
FLINT, Mich. — Officials from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Friday afternoon that Flint, Mich. residents should use only soap when washing…
PORT CHARLOTTE, Fla. — Local housecat Poobies was the only resident of 62 South Woodside Drive that contributed to cleaning up a pile of vomit…
SOMERVILLE, Mass. — Local slob Brian Helmes decreed today that the T-shirt he’s worn under his hoodie for the past 17 days is still clean,…
COSTA MESA, Calif. — Vans President Kevin Bailey verified at a press conference yesterday that the company’s sneakers are meticulously crafted to be absolutely devastated…
STILLWATER, Okla. — Doorjam guitarist and licensed driver Cory Adams passionately disagreed yesterday with his bandmates on what the phrase “treat it like a rental”…
LANDSDALE, Pa. — A guitar in the care of local musician Andrew Sampson is treated with more respect and dignity than Sampson’s own body, multiple…
RENO, Nev. — Local man and former alcoholic Richard McCann allegedly considers himself “totally sober” now, after switching the focus of his addiction from alcohol…
MACON, Ga. — Local diner and well-known “disgusting shithole” Rocky’s Grill has reportedly been hosting local punk rock shows at night in what’s being called…
BOISE, Idaho — The freshly cleaned bedroom of local woman Megan O’Leary is “anxiously excited” to meet O’Leary’s potential sexual partner later this evening, sources…
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — Two roommates teamed up late last week to give their apartment a long-overdue cleaning, a source reports, with you covering “pretty much…