Kevin Tit
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NEW YORK — Fans of indie rock legends The Strokes collectively agreed that the boring nature of the band’s newest…
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John Danek
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GENEVA — Scientists at the European Organization for Nuclear Research discovered yesterday that Iron Maiden’s 8:46-long “Brighter Than a Thousand…
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Andy Holt
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LOS ANGELES — Local gamer Patty Kemp reportedly had a difficult time deciding how to entertain herself yesterday evening, with…
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KANSAS CITY — Reports are coming in that the board game you spent $60 on that your friends never want…
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Dom Turek
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NEW YORK — Local man Bryan Watson spent his 28th birthday last week quarantined from friends and family due to…
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Jimmy Adamson
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CHICAGO — 28-year-old aging punk Johnny “Ratfuck” Pitzki has entered the “I don’t even really listen to punk anymore” phase…
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Anthony Kelly
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PORTLAND, Ore. — 28-year-old chronic insomniac Griffin Harper finally got some good sleep last night after a single paragraph of…
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John Sevigne
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DES MOINES, Iowa — Local mumble rap connoisseur Demitri Anastas discovered yesterday that he was enjoying a live stream of…
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Patrick Coyne
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PHILADELPHIA — Local woman Juliana Azzara passed the four hours waiting for her train last night by asking a man…
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Lauren Lavín
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STOCKTON, Calif. — A gentle reminder that Death Brain guitarist Bryant Patterson had already told the story he was about…
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