CHICAGO — 28-year-old aging punk Johnny “Ratfuck” Pitzki has entered the “I don’t even really listen to punk anymore” phase of his life, complete with…
PORTLAND, Ore. — 28-year-old chronic insomniac Griffin Harper finally got some good sleep last night after a single paragraph of his friend’s “radical” political zine…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Local mumble rap connoisseur Demitri Anastas discovered yesterday that he was enjoying a live stream of a German news radio station…
PHILADELPHIA — Local woman Juliana Azzara passed the four hours waiting for her train last night by asking a man at a nearby dive bar…
STOCKTON, Calif. — A gentle reminder that Death Brain guitarist Bryant Patterson had already told the story he was about to tell last night failed…
MORGANTOWN, W. Va. — Local woman Elle Bautista politely feigned interest moments ago after brunch date Cris Zahn revealed that she “had the fucking craziest…
LAS VEGAS — Los Angeles-based EDM artist SKRZ reportedly just projected photos and movies from his family vacation to the Grand Canyon during his set…
BATON ROUGE, La. — A suspicious attic believed to be haunted for decades reportedly showed no signs of paranormal activity to investigators, who only uncovered…
Excuse me? What did you say?? How DARE you. “Sheeple” is an offensive term. You don’t get to say it. Us sheeple are a proud…
HANSON, Mass. — Local punk Brandon Gardner will continue his annual Thanksgiving tradition of hiding from his family in his aunt’s garage, Gardner himself confirmed…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — A climate change-fueled mass extinction event that will wipe 90 percent of the human race off the face of the earth is…
CLINTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. — The once-spontaneous ass play of local couple Tyler and Kelly Anderson has simply become routine ass work, the couple confirmed earlier…