NEW YORK — Local punk rocker and present-day messiah, Lenny “Resin” Jackson stunned the masses crashing at his squat by using his divine abilities to…
WASHINGTON — Former President Donald Trump announced his latest merch launch, a $60 Bible that will the Pledge of Allegiance, Lee Greenwood lyrics, and limited…
I have been utterly fantastic lately: my thoughts are rapid, my emotions are shifting back and forth at breakneck speeds and I feel all of…
BOISE, Idaho — A local family admitted they haven’t read a single word of the Bible that has been with their family for five generations…
NEW YORK — Local weakling and black metal singer Percy “Blall” Miller of the group Assküm spent the entirety of his band’s 30-minute set attempting…
If history has shown us anything, it’s that America best exhibits its core values when done by force. The woke liberal industrial complex trying to…
JERUSALEM — Biblical scholars were stunned by a newly discovered set of ancient scrolls that suggests Jesus not only turned water into wine, but also…
“The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.” I have no idea what that statement means, but that’s what the vocalist of my previous band said…
HOBOKEN, N.J. — Local nonbeliever and Bon Jovi fan Tami Clarkson has been mentally cruising through unemployment solely by the quotes and wisdom of atheist…
HEAVEN — God, the almighty creator of Heaven and Earth, can not find a single reason to refuse recently-deceased straight edge kid Randy Larrett’s entry…
EDEN — God, the almighty, omnipresent being responsible for the creation of life itself, finally confirmed that he removed Adam’s rib primarily so Adam could…
TULSA, Okla. — Christian rapper Young Xannah admitted today that the only beef he refuses to “squash” is his ongoing conflict with the act of…
ATLANTA — Having lost his previous gaming PC to a flood, Ned Myers has constructed a much bigger and more powerful build, reportedly reaching all…