UNITED STATES — After years and countless experience points towards progression, America has finally reached a high enough level to evolve to its next form.…
NEWARK, N.J. — Senator Cory Booker announced he will be suspending his bid for the 2020 presidency which unleashed an avalanche of calls from former…
AUSTIN, Texas — Former Democratic Presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke announced in a press conference today that he’ll use the remainder of his campaign funds to…
EL PASO, Texas — Former Congressman and presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke paid a visit this week for a CBS News feature to his old hometown…
WESTERVILLE, Ohio — Struggling Democratic contender Beto O’Rourke wrote several popular lyrics by alternative/metal band 311 on the palm of his hand today just before…
HOUSTON, Tex. — Presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke arrived at the third Democratic primary debate today wearing a Bad Brains T-shirt in an obvious attempt to…
DETROIT — Diehard Beto O’Rourke fan Graham Mykins caused a commotion at the second Democratic debate when he rushed the platform in an attempt to…
DETROIT — Democratic presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke was spotted making last minute preparations for the second debate by referencing old punk lyrics hoping to find…
AUSTIN, Texas. — Democratic Presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke reportedly ate his sherpa last night following a treacherous table climb at an Austin BBQ restaurant, horrified…
IOWA CITY, Iowa — Presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke reaffirmed yesterday that used to skateboard regularly, rebutting skepticism by affirming he could “probably still kickflip if…
SANTA FE, N.M. — Democratic Presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke reportedly one-upped his countertop-hopping antics last night, crashing a high-school house party and asking if anyone…
DALLAS — As the Senate race in Texas reaches a fever pitch, sources are reporting that Democratic candidate Beto O’Rourke has unveiled a crucial addition…