There are only so many ways to get out of a Thanksgiving dinner with your family, and since the lockdown ended 2 years ago and…
Welp, it’s that time of year again. The sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, people are letting loose in the summer air, and you…
Yesterday, twelve of my so-called “friends and family” gathered in my living room to “have a conversation” about my “recent recreational use of horse tranquilizers.”…
TIGARD, Ore. — Reports indicate that urban sprawl and logging are decimating the forest preserves that once teamed with teenagers drinking alcohol stolen from their…
PONTIAC, Mich. — Several local college seniors impressed guests by enhancing their party’s epicness with the presence of a barnyard animal in their house, thoroughly…
Too poor to go to the bar but still want to damage your insides slowly with distilled poison? Good News! The liquor store is great…
RICHMOND, Va. — House party attendee Davey Singleton can’t quite put his finger on why the two Wendy’s Baconators and seven beers he consumed in…
ASTORIA, Ore. — Local party animal Gary Harper plans to celebrate the completion of Dry January with 11 consecutive months of heavy drinking, confirmed sources…
For most people in their twenties, drinking two nights in a row is hardly notable. It’s basically an every-other-day occurrence. While you may get hungover,…
MILWAUKEE — Legendary beer brand Pabst Blue Ribbon made the bold decision to rebrand their classic lager as a bread-flavored hard seltzer after reviewing recent…
Oh lord, what have I done? I detoxed, got into therapy, and resisted my triggers. I thought I could at least enjoy one non-alcoholic beer.…
DALLAS — Patrons of the NorthPark Center believed they witnessed a Christmas miracle when a mall Santa with a very prominent Pantera tattoo refrained from…
It’s tough being an entrepreneur with all the inflation and unnecessary food safety regulations these days. I moved from liberal Michigan to Florida, and let…
I’d like to start off this hearing by stating for the record that this is an absolute witch hunt. The faculty members and parents who’ve…
Where are my beers? They’re, like, all gone. And there’s no way my roommate drank ‘em because I remember explicitly telling Piss Dan not to.…