Elder abuse is a serious, often unrecognized crisis affecting some of our most vulnerable citizens. Me, in particular. Don’t believe me? Well, just head on…
SEATTLE — Overambitious elder millennial Janine Angler was released from the hospital yesterday and is expected to make a full recovery after standing at the…
MIAMI — First time nude beach goer Simon Lowell made fellow nudists uncomfortable with his obvious anxiety surrounding what to do with his hands and…
DALLAS — Rhythm guitarist and craft beer connoisseur Kirk Tenly reportedly hasn’t seen his own pedalboard since the late 2000s due to his protruding stomach,…
SAN FRANCISCO — Retired senior citizen Roger Jenkins completely lost touch with the youth in his community by falling behind on their newly appropriated lingo,…
SEATTLE — Aging punk Tia Cantor was reportedly thrilled with the “life changing” new shoe inserts she received as a 40th birthday present, sources confirmed.…
STOCKHOLM — Music streaming service Spotify announced late yesterday morning that it will replace the “Discover New Music” tab with the more comforting “Play the…
LOS ANGELES — Aging punk Mike Cruz was ordered by the Council of Punk Legitimacy to inform his neighbors that he is a registered poser…
We’ve all been there. One minute you’re on your ’05 Yamaha Banshee, kicking up mud and slicing through air on the outskirts of town, and…
VERONA, N.J. — Local 36-year-old Jordan Wilkins still hasn’t forgiven himself for completely botching his shopping spree during 1994’s “Nickelodeon Super Toy Run,” friends and…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local man James Bo finally fulfilled his lifelong dream of growing out his hair last month, only to discover it happened to…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local 30-year-old and former band girlfriend Jenna Nuccio was delighted to realize yesterday that she’s finally aged out of dating local musicians,…
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — Aging punk and generally anxious person in a Misfits T-shirt Hollie Wallace parked super far away from teenagers hanging out at a…
BILLERICA, Mass. — Local Brick Fist Boys crew member Sean Webster stood with his arms crossed in a recent photo for fear that he wouldn’t…
WASHINGTON — Newly-inaugurated President Joe Biden is extremely concerned that “The Netflix” won’t know to send his rental DVDs to his new address at the…