Julia Zhen
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CLEVELAND — A group of disgruntled, shoeless punks met each other’s empty gazes in a foyer as they attempted to…
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John Danek
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FRESNO, Calif. — Local golden retriever DeeDee is utterly ashamed at owner Ben “Stank Beav” Carlisle’s insistence on dragging his…
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James Webster
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DALLAS — Local woman Claudia Rodriguez was stunned this afternoon upon receiving an email approving maintenance for an apartment she…
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Trash Moth is back, and my inner 17-year-old is ecstatic that the band I worshiped in high school is finally…
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PEORIA, Ill. — Local 36-year-old Victoria Wilkins once again refused to admit to her parents that she completely regrets the…
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Ian Yamamoto
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ASTORIA, Ore. — Beginner survivalist Ethan Foster quickly forgot which of the two bodily wastes was sterile, piss or shit,…
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Josh Klasco
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PHILADELPHIA — Shiko Dikaoni fell to pieces after glimpsing their reflection in the mirror in the middle of the night…
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Bobby Korec
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SEATTLE — Overambitious elder millennial Janine Angler was released from the hospital yesterday and is expected to make a full…
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Heather Cook
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Did we just discover the next Greta Thunberg? This 32-year-old environmental conservation warrior is keeping his carbon footprint small by…
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Laura Merli
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First of all, I don't want this to come across as bragging. But for me, personally, becoming a TV owner…
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