SEATTLE — Technology visionary, entrepreneur, and formerly the world’s richest man Bill Gates recently visited the garage in which he first had the idea to…
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MILLWOOD, Wash. — Residents of Millwood, Wash. are reportedly confused by local pop-punk band Pacific Standard, with citizens collectively wondering what they ever did to…
Boy I tell ya, when they say to make sure to read the fine print they mean it! It all started two weeks ago when…
A cable cutting out in the middle of band practice is a highly frustrating and commonplace occurrence. A workplace hazard, even. Fortunately for the unfortunate…
Dudes! Can you even fucking believe this? Seems like yesterday we were just scrawny freshman walking into Neil Armstrong High School looking up at the…
HOUSTON — A holographic version of Mick Jagger waited patiently offstage yet again at a Rolling Stones concert last night, ready for the corporeal version…
EVANSTON, Ill. — A group of friends who have been “practically inseparable” since their freshman year of high school are looking forward to hanging out…
With concern over the side effects of psychiatric medication on the rise and the ability to afford said drugs on the decline, more and more…
OMAHA, Neb. — College student and “good guy” with a gun James Watson was furious today after the latest in his series of romantic rejections,…
If you think Detroit is bad you wouldn’t last a day in my world. I was born and will likely die in a place America…
NEW YORK — Famed scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson told a captive locked up in his basement this evening that his emotional responses were “incredibly illogical,”…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local punk Ivan Gomez gingerly set his “Meat Is Murder” T-shirt today into a new drawer set aside for band shirts he…
HARRISONBURG, Va. — Local punk and obvious alcoholic Marcia Fries announced moments ago that despite consuming nearly a dozen cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer…
INDIANAPOLIS — A local jazz drummer’s rant last night about stereotypical death metal band names, using only morbid phrases and references to physical violence, reportedly…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Scientists and well-wishers gathered earlier this week to watch as a crust punk affectionately known as “Shiv” was released back into the…
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