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Opinion: Guys! We’re Going to Be Seniors Next Year!

Dudes! Can you even fucking believe this? Seems like yesterday we were just scrawny freshman walking into Neil Armstrong High School looking up at the tall goths and the cool punks. Now, that’s us! We’re going to be seniors next year!

Hey, I know we’ve had a few, but let’s go for a ride.

Man, the world is just out there waiting for us to take it on. This really is the beginning of the rest of our lives.. This is the year before college, where we’re all going to start famous bands and make Student Academy Award winning films. Then, we’ll move into a big house off campus and just write songs all day.

Hey Tommy you still got that scotch you swiped from your grandad? Fuck it, let’s do a round. This is our last summer vacation before we graduate, let’s party!

You know, it’s not just the art and friendship I am excited about, it’s the raw power of being a senior.I feel like nothing can stop me. Adults all tell me how hard life is, and just “Wait till they get to be my age”. Well, they’ve clearly been doing it wrong. I have been on this earth for 18 years. Life is easy. The only hard thing in life is which cool thing to do on a school night: Vaping weed in my car or vaping weed at Denny’s.

Jesus Billy, that cough sounds bad, take it easy on that vape pen! Woah, is that blood? Damn dude, you’re coughing up blood? You should maybe get that looked at man. Just kidding! Doctors are for old people!

Don’t get me started on the chicks, guys. I know it’s cliche to talk about how we’re all going to lose our virginity this year, but we’re not only going to lose our virginity, we’re going to lose our identity while our consciousnesses blend with the greater universe. Dreams never die and neither will we.

I’m just going to come out and say it: I’m going to live forever. Not till like my grandparent’s age either. I am going to outlive every God you name. I am bulletproof, fireproof and I spit in the face of the cosmos. Hell, we all are!

Man this car scotch is going right to my head, I feel incredible! Hey look, guys, we’re coming up on Snake Hill Road. How many people died on this road last year, like 20? I bet I can make it all the way down this steep, narrow, notoriously windy and dangerous road drunk, stoned and blindfolded, what do you say? Let’s fucking go for it!

Editor’s Note: This article was the final contribution of Hard Times writer and soon to be high school senior Chuck Willmoore. His life was cut tragically short, along with the lives of his two best friends Tommy and Billy. Immediately after Chuck successfully navigated his way down old Snake Hill Road blind, drunk and stoned, a meteorite struck his car causing an explosion.

It took Chuck 45.24 seconds to complete his blind run down Snake Hill Road, which is pretty good but certainly not unbeatable.