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Can This Superfood Battle Depression? I Don’t Fucking Know, What Does It Matter Anyway?

With concern over the side effects of psychiatric medication on the rise and the ability to afford said drugs on the decline, more and more Americans are turning to alternative means of managing their depression. Recent studies have suggested that diet may play a much larger role in overall mental health than we previously thought and that certain superfoods may be the key to natural, healthy mood stabilization. Could turmeric, a root vegetable long celebrated for its antioxidant properties, be the next big thing in the battle against depression? Jesus, I don’t fucking know. What does it matter anyway?

What am I a fucking doctor? Am I a scientist? No, I’m some fucking asshole who writes clickbait for booze money. I have absolutely no idea whether or not turmeric fights depression and I absolutely do not fucking care. It’s all bullshit anyway. All of it. Everything. None of this matters. Nothing fucking matters. OK?

You know what else is bullshit? Depression. I’m tired of these fucking “doctors” trying to slap some label on me. Hey doctor, maybe I don’t exercise because exercising fucking sucks. Maybe I don’t go out and meet people because I don’t fucking like people. You ever think about that you dumb white coat fuck? Oh I drink too much because I’m depressed? Maybe I drink too much because being drunk is the only thing that makes me feel fucking awesome. It’s not rocket science, bro. You’re fucking dumb. All doctors are fucking batshit stupid just like everything else.

OK fine, you want me to try turmeric? I’ll fucking try turmeric.

OK there. I just snorted four lines of pure turmeric. Guess what? Still an asshole.

Happiness is a fucking crutch, dude. It’s a delusion. It’s all bullshit. Trump is gonna win again, the earth is fucked, nothing happens when you die, whatever. Just don’t care about things, it’s fine. Who gives a fuck?

Look I don’t have time to explain the world to you, OK? I need to get back to work. I’ve got a gun to my head deadline and this children’s book about a family of turtles isn’t about to fucking write itself, is it?

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