Fellas, society is changing. And NOT for the better. The fact is, whether you’re a man, a horny cartoon wolf, or a horny cartoon skunk,…
Spring is here! And just like me, I’m sure you’re excited for the end of seasonal depression and the beginning of regular depression! However, iconic…
MESA, Ariz. — Aging punk and once-devoted skateboarder Mike Ireland has only now begun to fully comprehend the implied consequences of his old “skate or…
LAS VEGAS — Legendary rude boy mascot Walt Jabsco, otherwise known as the logo for ska band The Specials, reportedly lost his 200th pair of…
LOS ANGELES — 43-year-old burnout and failure Tom Johnson noted this morning that author Charles Bukowski was 50 years old when his first widely published…
“It can’t be true,” you say. “There must have been a mix-up or the reporter got the name wrong.” Your heart races. The hair on…
Bernie Sanders Stuck with Six Gallons of Lentil Stew Following Poorly-Attended Food Not Bombs Meetup
Bernie Sanders Stuck with Six Gallons of Lentil Stew Following Poorly-Attended Food Not Bombs Meetup
LAFAYETTE, Ind. — Democratic Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders reportedly has nearly six gallons of uneaten lentil stew after a local Food Not Bombs meetup failed…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local five-piece outfit Brain Pollution have completed their successful transition from forgettable hardcore act into atrocious metal band, disappointing unsuspecting fans throughout…
CINCINNATI — Local band Circus Warfare last week took in their fourth new drummer within the past year, but have yet to name her to…
FAIRFAX, Va. — The NRA condemned New Zealand today as “hypocrites” for failing to crack down on legendary bladed weapons and enchanted objects of immeasurable…
Jordan Peele’s highly anticipated sophomore horror spectacle, ‘Us’ hit the silver screen this past week featuring themes of duality, systematic oppression, and freaking sick Black…
PORT CHESTER, N.Y. — Doom metal band Satan’s Bong asked organizers of the Black Grief Festival if the band had time to perform one more…
Hi. You don’t know me, but perhaps you have noticed me, as I have noticed you. Frankly in a scene this small, I have a…
MANCHESTER, N. H. — Democratic Presidential Candidate Bernie Sanders announced today that he is seeking additional staff for his election campaign, looking in particular for…
Dear Scabby: When will YOU come to Brazil? Does Bruno Mars is gay? -ANONYMOUS Dear Anonymous: Why would I pay to go to Brazil when…