LOS ANGELES — Former New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg announced he will be suspending his presidential campaign via a multi-million dollar ad campaign, sources…
LOS ANGELES — A confused Vice President Joe Biden announced he is dropping out of the democratic primary contest today, throwing his weight behind moderate…
GILBERT, Ariz. — Local vegan Robbie Hughes created a lasagna using only $100 in ingredients, proving that a plant-based diet is possible for everyone no…
I am not a racist. I’m friends with all sorts of different colors of people. Black, white, brown, beige, khaki. Hell, I even love that…
SEATTLE — Capitol Hill crust punk Steve “Skaggs” Sprewell is far more concerned about the raccoon flu he contracted while dumpster diving last week than…
Hey! Just wanted to pop in and express my apologies for not being able to come to your show the other day. I hope it…
PORT CHARLOTTE, Fla. — Local housecat Poobies was the only resident of 62 South Woodside Drive that contributed to cleaning up a pile of vomit…
EL PASO, Texas — Convicted pedophile Marcus Fleming killed two birds with one stone earlier today when he canvassed for Michael Bloomberg during court-mandated neighborhood…
Sorry to burst your fragile little bubbles but there are only two genders. You’re either a man or a woman. No non-binary, gender-fluid nonsense. Cased…
WASHINGTON — Vice President Mike Pence announced plans today to protect American citizens from the coronavirus by sending all infected to a faith-based conversion therapy…
The Trump train keeps barreling towards 2020! Along with record job creation and the highest poll ratings in Presidential history we continue to get support…
NEW YORK — A recent report from Overpower-Overcome Enterprises found that last year’s inordinate number of backstabbings ground the hardcore scene’s street justice system to…
COMMERCE CITY, Co. — A bag of drugs successfully made it through a concert security line early yesterday afternoon without the Phish fan in which…
“Oh shit,” you say to yourself. “It can’t be.” You’ve just checked out your favorite band’s new music video, and yup, that’s a keytar. The…
DENVER — Local pornography enthusiast Brett Wallace was caught off guard moments ago by an advertisement for Democratic presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg while watching a…