Yes, America has modern day concentration camps that hold migrant children in cages of their own filth. But we also understand that a new season…
SAVANNAH, Ga. — AFI superfan Kristen Gallows spent her entire paycheck last night on amulets yet again, bankrupting herself for the week in a pattern…
BOSTON — A legendary and possibly mythical mosher was allegedly spotted last night enjoying a four-course French meal in the pit a hardcore show without…
EL PASO, Texas — An agent with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement was indignant today after once again being compared to a member of the…
Yes, we understand that we confused Jared Simmons as a member of the Hammerskin Nation, one of the most violent neo-Nazi Skinhead gangs in the…
TUCKER, Ga. — Punk Ollie Boyer turned around a framed photo on his nightstand last night of punk rock icon and notoriously judgemental dude Henry…
MILWAUKEE — Sound Engineer Quintin Hafner purchased a large-format DiGiCo S31 Digital Mixer yesterday, but was unable to fit the board into his ’89 Honda…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Local medical supply salesman Elliot Harrison’s recent haircut was immediately noticed this morning by coworkers with seemingly nothing else to talk about,…
1. It Would Be Problematic For Our Management Bonuses To Share! YOLOL! 😉 2. Whoa! All Our Staff Live In The Same Cities As POC…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local hardcore kid Connor Razzo moshed very cautiously at a show last night to protect the record he purchased following the opening…
TULSA, Okla. — Christian rapper Young Xannah admitted today that the only beef he refuses to “squash” is his ongoing conflict with the act of…
CHULA VISTA, Calif. — Partygoer Todd Horne attempted to engage the rest of the crew moments ago in a round of “Jeff-based shit talk,” despite…
This is all a bit confusing but hopefully we’ll be able to explain what happened and the Peace Corps will release us and help us…
SARASOTA, Fla — Local man Daniel Mulrennan made a potentially friendship-damaging mistake moments ago, blurting out, “I can’t make it” before his friend even said…
CINCINNATI — A benefit show held last night for St. Therese’s Children’s Hospital failed to raise any monetary funds to donate, but successfully generated over…