Jesus, that was a close one. I got that roller coaster feeling in my stomach for a second. You know that feeling when you’re driving…
GLENDALE, Ariz. — Duncan Figeroa, a forty-six father of two, broke a world record earlier today when he said the phrase “sounds like R.E.M.” for…
ROCK SPRINGS, Wyo. — Recently divorced woman Marie Nowak can now finally say she has one thing in common with her parents following the dissolution…
AMHERST, N.Y. — Claudia Piper has selected the dress that she will vomit André Spumante all over this New Year’s Eve, most likely while in…
Unless you live on Mars or with your boomer parents who only watch Newsmax, you’ve likely noticed that the United States has a bit of…
TACOMA, Wash. — Local deranged person Billy “Bile” Harrison reportedly listened to the album created by his friend Jake Gomez on shuffle rather than from…
First things fucking first. Who the hell do you think you are talking to? Airing your grievances about me straight to my fucking face at…
INDIANAPOLIS – A small but visibly-confused group of free thinkers stormed the HI-FI Annex stage to incoherently question the connection between weight gain and drinking…
Hey girl. Hey! I almost didn’t see you over the reflection from my nails, which are painted midnight black, as you can see. I could…
The end of the year is a great time to reflect on all that’s happened in the last 12 months, be that to reminisce on…
DODGE CITY, Kan. — Local adult Amelie Hartman was spotted pathetically trying to keep up with the latest trends by parting her hair down the…
NEW CASTLE, Del. — An unnamed man was arrested and taken into custody under the suspicion of “potentially having committed any heinous, violent act imaginable”…
One of the most powerful things about music is its ability to connect us with distant cultures. It’s amazing how much you can learn about…
TULSA, Okla. — Local venue owner Michelle Kirk reportedly doubled her gross income by installing a new booth that sells photos of audience members actively…
BEACON, N.Y. — A local raccoon known around the neighborhood simply as “that thing in the yard” could not believe someone would throw away a…