FORT WORTH, Texas — Recent newlyweds and longtime couple Darren Oltowski and Denice Landry have recently begun dabbling in perfunctory, boring, and banal acts of…
That really sucks about Shithouse Seth, man. If I knew he was having a mental breakdown or whatever, I definitely would’ve Tweeted to end the…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local woman Carmen Sullivan was found dead this morning after the wire of her earbuds became caught around a door handle, causing…
I know that not everyone is going to agree with this decision, but the council of straight edge elders has spoken. After much research and…
INDIANAPOLIS — 18-year-old Christian Mingle opened a lawsuit against his parents early yesterday afternoon in regard to his given name, according to sources attempting to…
Navigating the line between being a “#girlboss” and being a “regular human being who is there for the people in your life” can be difficult,…
MASSAPEQUA, N.Y. — Self-proclaimed “experimental indie” band True Friction are horrified to see that their “Related Artists” tab on Spotify is populated by pop-punk and…
WASHINGTON — President Biden downplayed the failures of his infrastructure and voting rights bills earlier today and instead took full credit for the impressive nostalgic…
LOS ANGELES — A new film titled “Great Again” featuring famed director Clint Eastwood reciting and acting out boomer memes he came across on Facebook…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Extremely circumspect spray paint addict, Calvin Roberts, is said to be back to wiping down his cans before inhaling them recreationally out…
We all make mistakes. No matter how large or small, in most situations, they can be forgiven. The factor that determines forgiveness in all shades…
PITTSBURGH — The men’s room toilet at Skelly’s Tavern is seeking treatment after going through a dark period and hopes this is the year it…
Hey, losers! Thanks for checking out my stuff. As you know, I’ve been preparing to launch my new album/channel/swimwear/lifestyle brand for the past decade now,…
PIKETON, Ohio — A Dell XPS desktop computer belonging to the Piketon Public Library is starting to get nervous upon hearing reports that remote learning…
Neutral Milk Hotel rose to prominence at the dawn of the internet age for their surrealistic lyrics and eclectic instrumentation that defied categorization. But did…