After all the years of bad first dates and bookended relationships, you finally found your twin flame. Who could have guessed your cosmic counterpart would…
MANCHESTER, N.H. — Alleged Phish “mega fan” Walter Pratt admitted he has only seen the popular jam band perform live 72 times this year, sources…
PHILADELPHIA — Jealous husband and punker Shaun Grables is starting to suspect that his wife is secretly having sex with The Dead Milkmen while he’s…
Established in 1973, CBGB was the legendary club that fostered the birth and growth of New York punk and hardcore. The “Country, Bluegrass, and Blues”…
LOS ANGELES — A rather hilarious Petey sketch where he plays at least a half dozen characters was reportedly not filmed and performed at full…
PATERSON, N.J. — Local punk and high school junior Terry Probost, who often claims to miss the grimy, dangerous, pre-Guiliani New York City, is actually…
The Blood Brothers were a confounding band. Were they hardcore? Were they punk? Were they emo? Were they even music? We may never know the…
LAS CRUCES, N.M. — Organizers of a spelling bee primarily focused on metal band names were disappointed to see every participant eliminated in the first…
Every woman knows there’s nothing better than coming home after a long day of work, changing into lingerie, lighting a Yankee candle, and going to…
Singers are a unique breed. The stakes are often higher because they have no instrument to hide behind. But with high risk comes high reward,…
SAN JOSE — Local man Chris Bendar, 32, very carefully found a verbal path around mentioning TikTok when recommending Petey’s new album “USA” to a…
SALEM, Ore. — Local father of four and avid collector of vinyl records Douglas Buckner is unsure whether his children would be best organized alphabetically…
It’s important to approach online bullying and harassment over social media with a mind like your mom’s legs — open. Verbal abuse on the Internet…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A mysterious pile of previously unidentified material floating in the Pacific Ocean off the coast of Oregon was identified by scientists as…
Petey USA was born a 14-year-old boy in the crowd at a Chicago Blackhawks game at the United Center. Now a world-renowned singer, songwriter, actor,…