NEW YORK — Local guitarist Ian Serra refused to take on local punk band Complete Malarkey’s surname despite the group’s longstanding practice as such, sources…
LONDON, Ky. — The Ghost of Christmas Past is reportedly “super stoked” to show infamous miser Ebenezer Scrooge how legit dope the local scene used…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local punk house The Meat Mansion hired the small market attached to the gas station at the end of the street to…
NEW YORK — President elect Donald J. Trump returned to Twitter to complain about three spirits who allegedly visited him late on Christmas Eve in…
HARTFORD, Conn. — Local man Eric Palermo revealed himself to be a total poser after wearing a CBGB T-shirt despite never stepping foot in an…
LAKEWOOD, Ohio — Local pit boss Ralph MacQuery created a sense of chaos and turmoil when he suddenly hoisted a lost shoe above the pit…
Hey, that’s a sweet OFF! hoodie you got there! You seem like you’re a big fan. I’m the band’s manager and if you’re such a…
I’m the Mother Who Wouldn’t Give Mike a Pepsi and You Should Know There Are Two Sides to Every Story
I’m the Mother Who Wouldn’t Give Mike a Pepsi and You Should Know There Are Two Sides to Every Story
I have always done the proper, motherly thing and put my child’s needs before my own. Yet I have been painted as a villain by…
ANTIGO, Wis. — Members of local hardcore band Body Parts ousted frontman Jay Terrold after he failed to make the agreed upon weight to be…
LOS ANGELES — Rancid frontman Tim Armstrong recently underwent elective surgery to remove several ribs that long prevented him from reaching the knobs on his…
BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — Legendary hardcore band Hatebreed were spotted congregating around their very own fiery band logo to kick back and roast marshmallows in a…
LAWRENCE, Kan. — Former chimpanzee handler Scott Guiles is reportedly thriving following his recent career transition to manager for the self-proclaimed “apecore” band The Gorillalalalas,…
BRISTOL, Conn. — Embarrassed members of sludge-punk band Grinch Meat are allegedly kicking themselves after forgetting an apostrophe and ordering hundreds of gigantic seven-foot singles,…
LOS ANGELES — Leaked emails from high-ranking members of the Recording Academy of America suggest that the three Turnstile Grammy nominations were a subversive attempt…
SALT LAKE CITY — Local motherfuckers expressed their displeasure with the lead singer of hardcore band Big Butter for repeatedly and maliciously singling them out…