Greetings, citizens! As our great state takes the bold step of legalizing marijuana this year, I am thrilled to announce that this city will be…
AUSTIN — Self-described “cool” smoke shop Throne Room Tobacco will not require photo ID for customers who are wearing Electric Wizard shirts, bearded sources report.…
WASHINGTON – An audit of Supreme Court merchandise sales revealed that Justice Clarence Thomas pocketed roughly half the proceeds while failing to disclose said income…
FREDERICK, Md. – Local Punk Jake Mitchell avoided paying any federal or state taxes for the sixth straight year simply by failing to acquire even…
LOS ANGELES — Local cinephile Lucas Glazier praised the slow pacing of A24 horror films for giving him the opportunity to explain important plot details,…
NEW YORK — Punk savant Jacob Alvarez was reportedly born with an uncanny ability to spot a person with an extra cigarette from over two…
LAS VEGAS — Local bartender Aaron McIntire recently decided to adopt a 12-year-old Burmese python he saw advertised online despite being forcibly removed from three…
LOS ANGELES — Experimental horror movie director Kyle Edward Ball revealed the special edition of his film “Skinamarink” will contain a much-anticipated blooper reel, confirmed…
VIENNA, Austria – Self-proclaimed hardcore Mozart fan Ted Zarusky is facing criticism due to the fact he only started listening to the composer sometime within…
RHINEBECK, N.Y. — A portrait found in the attic of a well-appointed, upstate mansion owned by actor Paul Rudd hangs an eerie oil painting of…
You can’t escape news no matter how hard you try. That’s not how it works. So in case you missed it, here are the most…
INDIANAPOLIS — Nu metal enthusiast and father of two Brian Michaels finally sat down to have the “A.D.I.D.A.S.” talk with his kids, JNCO-clad sources confirmed.…
Ryan Murphy has built quite a reputation for himself after the unprecedented success of “Dahmer,” featuring his baby-faced muse, Evan Peters. While he’s still surfing…
WASHINGTON — Rep. Bradley Church (R-AL) vowed to shield the public from illegal child pornography by collecting it all on his private laptop, confirmed horrified…
Is there anything better than kicking back, listening to some records, lighting up a joint, realizing you can’t smoke weed, and then driving yourself to…