BOSTON – Local beer lover Ryan Kensington fleetingly experienced a sobering thought while in the midst of a bout of heavy drinking, but regrettably had…
LANSING, Mich. — Recently married couple Wendy and Patrick Clark are facing a fourth night without any sleep whatsoever after refusing medical assistance despite constant,…
MENDHAM TOWNSHIP, N.J. — The notoriously hardworking Chris Christie began preparing for his 2028 presidential election dropout announcement mere hours after revealing he had ended…
NEWARK, N.J. – Local officials are responding to reports of crowds sprinting towards their lovers through Newark Airport as Frou Frou’s “Let Go” plays over…
SACRAMENTO, Calif — Several Attendees of the Montgomery High School Class of ‘03 Reunion were left baffled when the night suddenly turned into a collection…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Republican hopefuls Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley are expected to make slavery a big topic for their debate tonight ahead of…
STONINGTON, Conn. — Local man Eddie Walker was rushed to a hospital in critical condition after accidentally laying his head on a pillow with a…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local groom and longtime guitarist Parker Anderson gazed longingly at the wedding band guitarist’s illustrious pedal board during the first dance with his…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple’s public settlement for deliberately slowing down certain iPhones in what was seen as an attempt to swindle users has proven unsuccessful…
DURHAM, N.C. — Researchers at Duke University made the startling discovery that the male brain does not fully mature until death, confirmed sources who didn’t…
SAN MATEO, Calif. — Multimedia tech CEO, Peter Avakian, held a mandatory all-hands meeting to ensure every employee was present for an iPhone slideshow from…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local man Dan Stanford was accused of derailing date night at an upscale restaurant after he spent most of the evening gazing longingly…
WASHINGTON — Republican lawmakers today broke ground on a new memorial to not commemorate the insurrection riots that took place in and around the Capitol…
AKRON, Ohio — Local scene legend and bartender William Lindberg admitted his dreams of retiring in his fifties or sixties depends solely on which of…
DUXBURY, Mass. — Local punk Danny Coulstring was shocked to learn that the somewhat popular satire news publication The Hard Times was not funded by…