PORTLAND, Ore. — Local 49-year-old Corey Nulf was a self-proclaimed feminist until anyone around mentions musician Courtney Love, confirmed sources who turned off “The People vs. Larry Flynt” movie when he entered the room.
“Despite being a cishet AMAB, I’m a pro-choice sex-positive intersectional fourth-wave feminist constantly looking to educate myself by reading and listening to the great minds of both yesterday and today to be a positive role model to my two amazing daughters,” Nulf said, placing a Ruth Bader Ginsburg bookmark into a worn copy of bell hooks’ “Teaching To Transgress.” “I don’t have a prefab mold for them as young women, but I can tell you who I don’t want them to emulate—that succubus Courtney Love. Between the gold-digging, hoarding the rights to Nirvana’s music, and without a doubt murdering Kurt Cobain with her bare hands and framing it as a shotgun wound, is there a more contemptible woman in history? I can’t wait to see her dead.”
Nulf’s feelings toward Love were concerning to his immediate family.
“Dad was so excited to take us to ‘Captain Marvel’ when it came out to show us a strong female character on the big screen, but he threw an outburst when a Hole song came on during the credits. I hadn’t seen him this upset since he petitioned the Pop Warner football team to let me play,” said Nulf’s tween daughter Penelope. “It was so embarrassing. I didn’t know people could get kicked out of a movie after it was over. When we got home he forced us to watch ‘Kurt and Courtney’ and ‘Soaked In Bleach,’ giving the middle finger to the TV any time Courtney appeared on screen.”
Experts report that when people are faced with devastating pop culture news they abandon their core values.
“This is a classic scapegoat scenario,” said Dr. Gar Franks, Sociologist at Vassar College. “Even in so-called tolerant groups, there is a tendency to blame an undeserving and underrepresented minority. Sometimes you can’t even see blatant misogyny even as it’s happening. Like all the people who attacked poor Linda McCartney, while ignoring how that she-demon Yoko Ono basically served up John Lennon on a silver platter to be murdered. It’s a real shame Linda is so villanized.”
At press time, the left-leaning Nulf was heard blaming all the shortcomings of the Democratic party on Monica Lewinsky.