Aries (March 21-April 19) Mercury is finally out of the dickhead zone for you, so enjoy the reprieve. Use the time to subject everyone to…
STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — Measureworks IT technician Jeff Simmins left dozens of bar patrons perplexed last night after singing “Svefn-g-englar” by Icelandic avant-rock band Sigur…
While adults are busy arguing on Facebook or getting their daily propaganda from Fox News, one high school junior is taking an active role to…
CHICAGO — Local man Tom Bencin, who recently spent $35 on a Pussyslaughter T-shirt that reads “#1 PUSSY MURDERER” in giant letters, has not yet…
INDIO, Calif. –– Swarms of honeybees began their annual trek to the Coachella music festival early Friday morning to pollinate thousands of flower crowns worn…
PHILADELPHIA — An online dinner recipe for a simple, vegan-friendly lentil soup has allegedly been written as a “fucking novel for some reason,” hungry sources…
Aries (March 21-April 19) As an Aries, it’s no secret that you can be a giant diva from time to time… and you know what?…
DALLAS — Ricardo “the Scuzz” Garza tripled his net worth last night when he found a half of a pack of cigarettes on a venue…
SEATTLE — Amazon’s “Echo Chamber,” a next-generation smart speaker, will enable reaffirmation of users’ most dreadful opinions from anywhere in the house, company personnel revealed…
DALLAS, Texas — Concerned mother and sole reason for her children’s anxieties Pamela Yates suggested this morning that her kids “try listening to happier music,…
BOSTON — Craig Manning warned his fellow show attendees last night that there was a broken glass bottle on the floor of the venue, omitting…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Don’t waste your time with someone who isn’t going to change their mind. If you want to go on the…
DAYTON, Ohio — Local apartment tenant Adrian Delgado has filed his fifth noise complaint this month with building management, claiming that his next door neighbor…
ALLENTOWN, Penn. — Metal diehard James Allen used the online tax filing platform TaxSlayer yesterday to “eviscerate, desecrate, and properly file” his 1040EZ tax return,…
Barnyard hens from around the country are leading the fight for reproductive freedom using the oldest trick in the activist book: direct action. Pro-choice activism…