HUDSON, N.Y. — Local mother Mallory Kerner called her daughter Jenna this morning, shortly after texting to see whether or not Jenna had already listened…
GREENVILLE, S.C. — A black T-shirt frequently worn by local punk Ryan Matheson entered the “vaguely green” era of its life cycle after a standard…
OXNARD, Calif. — Local gentleman Jay Deme impressed his new girlfriend Lisa Traynor last night by politely opening up a mosh pit for her to…
MEMPHIS — Classic reality TV series Ghost Hunters and To Catch A Predator aired a primetime crossover event earlier this week, during which they entrapped…
MACON, Ga. — Pro-life activist Kevin Hudson completed paperwork today to change his legal birthday to nine months earlier than it was, to the date…
Dear Scabby: Weed makes me shit. Drinking expensive beer also makes me shit. Should I give up? -OUT OF TP WITH THE WORLD Dear Out…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Total dumbshit motherfucker Bobby Owens attempted to start a circle pit last night during local hardcore band Ripped Together’s obvious two-step groove,…
SAN DIEGO — Self-proclaimed “punk lawyer” Kelvin Rios lost his 100th consecutive case today, due to the fact he admittedly only knows three laws, multiple…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Following years of research and development, the average vegan ass is approaching a similar taste and texture to that of carnivores’ due…
STOCKTON, Calif. — A gentle reminder that Death Brain guitarist Bryant Patterson had already told the story he was about to tell last night failed…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Aspiring musician Evan Wohrman spent the majority of an hour yesterday weighing the pros and cons of bringing home a pair of…
Look, I’m just as pissed off about these billionaires controlling all the money as everybody else. And or course I want to eat the rich…
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Hartfield Insurance sales representative Ernie Boisvert told his coworkers today that he is “…a bit of a musician himself,” apathetic sources…
It was November 11th, 2016. Socially-minded people like me were crying on sidewalks outside of Trader Joe’s locations all across the country. Did this mean…
Status Update Hijacked by Dad Wondering if You’re Coming Home for Mother’s Day
NORMAN, Okla. — A Facebook status update posted by Haute Sauce guitarist Julie Rice was hijacked today when her father “totally steamrolled” the comments section…