ALISO VIEJO, Calif. — The And1 clothing company is introducing a new line of shorts crafted specifically for hardcore kids who never play basketball, multiple…
GLENDALE, Calif. — Fraud victim Megan Howard made an emergency exit through her date’s bathroom window last night after an underwhelming penis reveal that looked…
DENVER — Local police apprehended miscreant Max Yelban last night for mischievously shouting “Arcade Fire” in a crowded theater and causing a panicked frenzy among…
CHICAGO — Pop-rock band and music video powerhouses OK Go recently celebrated reaching over one billion views on their YouTube channel, as well as over…
CINCINNATI — Brent Samuels, widely regarded as a terrible friend and questionable person all around, abruptly suspended his viewing last night of “American History X”…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Punk and self-described “downfall of the establishment” Garreth Wilkes announced today that he will send a vicious death threat to his sitting…
DETROIT — Joe Biden was seen pacing back and forth outside a local factory today, searching for the mother fucker he invited to “take this…
SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Local frontman Spencer Wilt made an impassioned declaration to the Coronavirus “and other infectious diseases,” clarifying that highly contagious sicknesses of any…
WASHINGTON — The Democratic National Committee released a statement earlier this week urging all American citizens to exercise their right to vote for candidates and…
LUBBOCK, Texas — Psych-rock band Three Inch Teeth treated their drummer Mitchell Gauthier to a night on the town last night, doing all of his…
ATLANTA — Patrons of Leatherman’s Bluff Sex Emporium were cresfallen today upon learning that Dark Spectrum, the clubs monthly “anything goes” no-condoms-allowed orgy will be…
KANSAS CITY — Local slob Donna McKenny agitated her roommates again yesterday with her claim that the mounting piles of dirty clothing in their apartment…
LANSING, Mich. — Local 13-year-old Malcolm Woods’ attempt at drunken debauchery last night ended in disappointment after realizing the bottle of vodka he stole from…
BALTIMORE — Touring garage-rock band Bananther reportedly made bassist Mike Sutherland order off the Denny’s kids’ menu in an effort to cut spending costs after…
DETROIT — Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden admitted he is considering current president Donald Trump as a potential running mate in his bid for the presidency…