Nick Ortolani
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December 13, 2020
WOODLAWN, Md. — A recent government study indicates that fans of thrash metal will finally be eligible for Social Security…
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Bobby Korec
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December 9, 2020
CLEVELAND — Local metalhead and father Bruce Howardt could not teach his son the simple basics of shaving yesterday due…
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Henrik Persson
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December 2, 2020
AMSTERDAM — Belgian metalhead Joost Lambert spent nearly four hours in the Museum of Torture yesterday looking up every item…
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Zac Lux
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November 29, 2020
RICHMOND, Va. — Local metalhead Kevin Miller turned the volume down on his amp from 11 to 10 earlier this…
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John Danek
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November 28, 2020
BALTIMORE — Influential powerviolence band ElevenTimesElevenCrimes announced today that expensive car repairs, alimony payments, and a misguided Playstation 4 purchase…
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James Knapp
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November 25, 2020
DALEVILLE, Va. — Local metal fan Cliff Gallaway mistakenly drank an entire bottle of high-end shampoo in the shower this…
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Rob Steinberg
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November 22, 2020
LOS ANGELES — Seminal hair metal band Mötley Crüe finally revealed yesterday the deeper meaning to the enigmatic song “Girls,…
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Eric Navarro
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November 22, 2020
You’re at a show in some 20-something’s basement. You look to your left and see a bunch of young, hip…
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Eric Navarro
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November 19, 2020
Holy shit, your band just got offered a show! The biggest show of your bands’ young life, in fact. It’s…
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James Knapp
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November 18, 2020
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local 13-year-old Damien Glass suddenly sprouted a pencil-line mustache yesterday moments into his first listen of Motorhead’s…
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