John Danek
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March 27, 2020
PLAINVIEW, N.Y. — 16-year-old Misty Lebowitz carelessly endangered her much, much older and immunocompromised pop-punk singer boyfriend Scotty McDickers yesterday…
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Kevin Tit
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March 27, 2020
"I LOVE LIVIN’ IN THE CITY!" Hell yeah. "FEAR" said it best in their comedy sketch on Saturday Night Live…
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Aidan Sears
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March 27, 2020
NEW YORK — National Guard Troops apprehended Iowa native and big-hearted dreamer Elieen Denham yesterday, dive-tackling her in front of…
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Patrick Coyne
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March 26, 2020
LOS ANGELES — “The Masked Singer” fans were shocked last night when the sassy, playful, incognito contestant Mr. Monster was…
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John Danek
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March 26, 2020
LOS ANGELES — Quarantined Los Angelino Freddy Garcia has spent a majority of his COVID-19 isolation time pleasuring himself to…
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Jon Wood
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March 26, 2020
As a proud member of the alt-right (and recent college graduate with a degree in English Literature thank you very…
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PHILADELPHIA — Outspoken supporters of Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden, known as “Biden Bros,” are reportedly harassing potential voters via…
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Jerrod Kingery
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March 26, 2020
AUSTIN, Texas — Social media marketing manager Anthony Skipper forwarded a complaint about his tortimese housecat Nickels moments ago to…
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Patrick Coyne
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March 25, 2020
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — The cam girl you’ve been throwing money at when you should have been working from home…
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Patrick Coyne
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March 25, 2020
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — A heavily discounted DVD of the Steve Carell vehicle “Evan Almighty” is “really fucking pushing it” by…
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