Patrick Coyne
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ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local man and alleged “wannabe Patch Adams bitch” Dan Paulson is allegedly acting like “he cured…
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Peter Casciato
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UTICA, N.Y. — Trapped at home for over a week due to the coronavirus, out-of-work waiter Jim Stevens is quickly…
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Louie Aronowitz
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OMAHA, Neb. — Local punk and part-time crafts enthusiast Mark Penderson, seeing a need for DIY face masks to help…
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Nick Ortolani
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LOS ANGELES — Ethically non-monogamous couples around the world announced today that open relationships will be closed indefinitely to help…
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Rob Walker
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FLAVORTOWN — Celebrity chef and T.V. personality Guy Fieri was placed under unexpected quarantine due to the coronavirus after arriving…
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Jeremy Kaplowitz
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ATLANTA — Musician, comedian, and actor Donald Glover released a vaccine he created for COVID-19 on his website donaldpresentsthecure.com at…
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James Knapp
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BOSTON — Local woman Farrah Johanson assured anyone who would listen yet again today that she is masturbating just as…
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Zach Russell
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WASHINGTON — The U.S. Department of Commerce issued a concerning report this morning, finding that 78% of American corporations are…
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John Danek
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PLAINVIEW, N.Y. — 16-year-old Misty Lebowitz carelessly endangered her much, much older and immunocompromised pop-punk singer boyfriend Scotty McDickers yesterday…
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Kevin Tit
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"I LOVE LIVIN’ IN THE CITY!" Hell yeah. "FEAR" said it best in their comedy sketch on Saturday Night Live…
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