Press "Enter" to skip to content

Experts Suggest Taking Break from Stress-Crying in Bathroom to Go for Drive and Stress-Cry in Car

NEW ORLEANS — Self-care experts around the world suggest that everyone try to take a break from the frequent stress-crying done quietly in their bathrooms, and take a drive out to the country and instead stress-cry in their cars.

“In the face of a crisis, I know it’s important I allow myself time to ‘let it all out,’ but rather than only spending a good 15 minutes crying in the bathroom while worrying if I’m going to get out of this without being financially fucked for life, I find it helpful to break things up,” said recently laid-off server Alida Juarez. “Sometimes it’s helpful to pop in an old Kimya Dawson album to have a cry while driving by new scenery — like any number of venues in my town that likely won’t ever be able to afford to reopen.”

People who implemented the tactic report vast improvements in their mental and emotional health.

“Self-care is key right now, and part of that includes maintaining a schedule so it doesn’t feel like things are so out of my control,” explained registered nurse Steve Minton. “Sometimes, just zoning out for like, three minutes straight and staring at nothing while I vape in my bathroom starts to feel like a bit of a chore, so when I have the energy, I like to just sit in my car and do that there instead. Most of the time I don’t even drive anywhere. It’s all the same. Plus, I still get WiFi in my driveway.”

Residents who may not have access to cars of their own are encouraged to practice crying in new spaces as well.

“For non-driving persons, there are a number of places to stress-cry and take a break from their usual, weekly crying spot,” said professor of psychology Dr. Lana-Marie Trench. “Bikes are a great way to cry out in the fresh air, and rather than only punching your pillow to let off some steam, you could try aggressively slamming the lid on your garbage can one or 15 times instead.”

“New York City residents are encouraged to continue crying while walking down the sidewalk like usual — rest assured that no one has started giving a shit if you’re OK,” she added. “And rust belt dwellers can just keep smashing old 40-oz. bottles on the sides of abandoned buildings as you’ve been doing.”