Culture Archives - Page 400

Punk Census Confirms Local Scene to be Like, Seven People

V.F. Thompson • May 25, 2020

LANSING, Mich. — A new punk census surveyed scenes across the nation gauging the health of local DIY communities, and…

Strong Independent Woman Gaslights Self

Kaitlyn Jeffers • May 24, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Psychologists at UCLA announced a breakthrough discovery today in the case study of Allie Terrell, a strong,…

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Leaked Joe Rogan Contract Reveals He Is First Adequately Compensated Artist on Spotify

Goodrich Gevaart • May 24, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Popular podcast host Joe Rogan is set to become the first-ever artist played on the Spotify platform…

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donations, fires, kicked out, covid-19, virus, business

Local Venue That Kicked You Out for Fighting, Lighting Fires Has a Lot of Nerve Asking for Donations

Sari Beliak • May 24, 2020

FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. –– Management at local venue The Corner Spot, who kicked you out for starting fights and lighting a…

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scrubs, quarantine, season 9, bad, acknowledge

Quarantine Forces “Scrubs” Fans to Acknowledge Existence of Season 9

Ish Gupta • May 23, 2020

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Streaming giant Hulu announced Tuesday that, due to nationwide stay-at-home orders, fans of the mid-2000s sitcom…

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Man Gets Out of Bed to Take Nap on Couch

Patrick Crooks • May 23, 2020

NEW YORK — Quarantined man Michael Gray repeated his rigid daily routine moments ago when he turned off his alarm,…

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Amazon “Employee of the Month” Awarded Posthumously

Jon Wood • May 22, 2020

STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — Recently deceased Amazon warehouse worker Freddie Romero was named “Employee of the Month” yesterday for his…

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Nerd Trapped In Gym Over Quarantine Fucking Huge Now

Zach Russell • May 22, 2020

ANNAPOLIS, Md. — Lifelong nerd Nate Guajardo emerged from a local Planet Fitness facility today “beefed out as fuck” after…

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Skywriter Forced to Make Ends Meet with Chemtrails Gig

Tom Peters • May 21, 2020

DALLAS — Local small aircraft pilot Skippy Barnes is supplementing his skywriting income with a clandestine, government-backed chemical-spraying side gig,…

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Opinion: The Virus Doesn’t Care What Race You Are, but the Government Does so Some of You Are Fucked

Ed Saincome • May 21, 2020

All people must unify now! Dammit, this virus doesn’t care what your race is! It will harm you and your…

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