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How to Save Money by Cutting the Cord and Subscribing to Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, Hbo, Disney+, Apple TV+, CBS All Access, Oh Fuck

I was once like you, barely able to pay for essentials like Tinder Plus while still having enough money leftover for avocados and bubble tea. Luckily, I’m here to help with the ultimate financial hack: Ditching cable TV and switching to streaming.

That’s right. Stop spending upwards of $50 a month for a bunch of crappy sports and news channels you’ll never watch and instead subscribe to Netflix. Sure, the big N’s selection may not be huge, but I’ve got a system for that. With all the money you’ll save cutting the cord, you can fill all the necessary media gaps by simply subscribing to Hulu, Amazon Prime, HBO Max, Disney+, Apple TV+, Shudder, Quibi, Peacock, and CBS All Access. And the best part? You’ll be saving upwards of negative $10 a month.

That can’t be right. Stupid calculator. Let me crunch the numbers again. The best part? You’ll be saving upwards of negative $25 a month.

Hmm… okay. Well, maybe you don’t need all of those streaming services. Who needs CBS All Access and Apple TV+? We’re in the internet age! Just use a VPN to get UK Netflix, mooch off your ex’s parent’s login, or use multiple 30-day free-trials. Still way better than cable.

I do kinda want to watch “Star Trek: Picard” though. Maybe swap CBS with Disney then switch back when “The Mandalorian” comes back. Or switch it with HBO Max when “Doom Patrol” is over. See? Simple.

Alright, fuck it. I’ll pirate everything. You think the FBI is really able to patrol everyone’s data? No way. This option will save you loads if you can deal with all the pop-ups. “Shady” websites like Putlocker, 123movies, Kisscartoon, and Pirate’s Bay have everything and don’t even really fuck with yØ∂¢ Ço˜m∏¨Áˇ‡flÇr.

Balls. Getting a virus removed is gonna set me back. This sucks. I’m just trying to save some cash. Why do I have to subscribe to so many streaming services anyway? Somebody should figure out a way to bundle together a bunch of services. Ooh, and you can jump between them all, like TV channels, you know? I would totally pay like $50 bucks a month for that.