Culture Archives - Page 373

death metal, shazam, iphone, app, mobile, listen

Shazamed Death Metal Song Lists 7,203 Possible Matches

Dan Kozuh • September 5, 2020

CHICAGO — Local metal fan Tracy O’Brien attempted to use the popular music identification app Shazam today to identify a…

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punk magician, magic, poor, broke, doves

Punk Magician Wants to Know If Anyone Has Some Doves He Could Borrow

Rob Walker • September 5, 2020

TAMPA, Fla. — Punk magician “Dope” Derek Dombrowski asked moments ago if anyone else performing at a birthday party might…

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Think Being a Cop Is Easy? I’d Like To See You Get Called an “Asshole” and Not Commit Second-Degree Murder Afterwards

John Danek • September 5, 2020

All you pink-haired, piercing-filled, vegan terrorist thugs think being a police officer is just sooooooo easy. You assume it’s all…

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rockabilly, models, hood, classic, car, old

Classic Car Owner’s Hood Infested with Rockabilly Models

Ryan Clark • September 5, 2020

YORBA LINDA, Calif. — Classic car owner Charles Metzger found yesterday what appeared to be dozens of rockabilly models all…

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school, white, men, kids, police, officer, law

Thousands of Young White Men Trapped in School-to-Police Pipeline

Billy Patterson • September 4, 2020

WASHINGTON — Disturbing new research from the Brookings Institute has found that thousands of young, white men across America are…

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snare, drums, president, run, elect, 2020

Snare Sound from St. Anger Announces 2020 Presidential Run

Ryan Werner • September 4, 2020

SAN FRANCISCO — The oft-ridiculed snare sound from Metallica’s 2003 album “St. Anger” announced yesterday that it will also run…

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Let’s Go To Walmart To Protest Their Unfair Wage Practices and Maybe Buy Some Essentials While We’re There

Dan Kozuh • September 3, 2020

Hey everyone! I just heard the Walmart over on Chestnut fired some employees because they were talking about unionizing so…

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bike lane, cop, do whatever the fuck you want

Bike Lane Also Evidently “Do Whatever the Fuck You Want” Lane

KC Phillips • September 3, 2020

NEW YORK — Local drivers and pedestrians too busy looking at their phones to watch where the fuck they’re going…

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Camo-Clad Hardcore Singer Mistakenly Thanked for His Service

Anthony Vito • September 3, 2020

ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Storm of Justice vocalist Thad MacDuggin’s camouflage clothing and short-cropped hairstyle led to him being thanked again…

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Tragic: Hot Person Loves Jesus

Alex Salcido • September 2, 2020

PORTLAND, Ore. — Ridiculously attractive man and recent Milwaukee transplant Josh Billingsley left dozens disappointed today after confirming that he…

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