Amir Adan
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December 18, 2020
OAKLAND, Calif. — Local ghost Cece Quinn is reportedly unreachable unless specifically summoned with a name-brand Ouija board, and promises…
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Luke Thornton
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December 18, 2020
ATLANTA — Local writer and amateur philosopher Alex Garfield is still questioning the meaning of life today after receiving an…
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Nariko Ott
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December 17, 2020
LOS ANGELES — 35-year-old self-described “Dashboard Confessional superfan” David Calva awoke today to find his male-pattern baldness went into overdrive,…
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Gregg Gethard
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December 16, 2020
PLYMOUTH, Mass. — Matthew Kearns, a bartender at the Ye Olde Tap House located in the rear corner of a…
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Eli Johnson
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December 16, 2020
NEW YORK — The former members of TLC confirmed a long-held suspicion today that their 1999 hit single “No Scrubs”…
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Doug Francisco
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December 16, 2020
HOUSTON — A punk house collapsed yesterday after the eviction of roommate Luis Flores, who it appears was a load-bearing,…
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Bobby Korec
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December 15, 2020
PATCHOGUE, N.Y. — Local inebriated man Kevin Donaghue drank a few sips of water before bed moments ago in an…
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John Dixon
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December 15, 2020
SOUTH BEND, Ind. — A Biohazard patch on local metalhead Barret Boone’s denim jacket is reportedly becoming less of an…
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Kyle Sekaquaptewa
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December 14, 2020
BELLEVUE, Wash. — Local 25-year-old man Ryan Mills purchased a medium-sized “Let Russ Cook” Seattle Seahawks T-shirt yesterday, unaware that…
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Patrick Coyne
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December 14, 2020
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — “Christmas Vacation” actor Randy Quaid voiced his support for President Trump yesterday, ruining every sane, cheer-deprived…
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