Culture Archives - Page 323

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420 Credit Score Almost Worth It

Patrick Coyne • February 15, 2021

JONESBORO, Ark. — Local burnout Declan Goddard finally achieved his long-term goal of securing a “sort of funny” and “only…

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Single Prog Rock Song Mistaken for Entire Prog Rock Album

Krissy Howard • February 15, 2021

RIO RANCHO, N.M. — A single song by prog-rock legends Rush was mistaken for an entire prog-rock album by radio…

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Over-the-Top, Public Romantic Gesture in Midst of Pandemic Leaves 42 Dead, 1 Smitten

Patrick Coyne • February 14, 2021

SHERMER, Ill. — A heavily scripted and complex romantic gesture made by local man Chase Stratford last week reportedly swept…

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Boyfriend Surprises Girlfriend with Gift of Letting Her Plan Everything

Aviva Siegel • February 14, 2021

MADISON, Wisc. — Derek Carlson surprised his girlfriend Jessica Kravtsova today with the gift of allowing her to make all…

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Valentine’s Day Determined to Destroy Only Relationship in Friend Group That’s Lasted Entire Pandemic

Krissy Howard • February 14, 2021

MIAMI — Local holiday and generally despised time of the year, Valentine’s Day, is determined to absolutely destroy one of…

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Boyfriend Preps for Valentine’s Day by Building “Die Hard is a Rom Com” Case

Ted Pillow • February 13, 2021

ST. LOUIS — Local man Brian Dorney’s Valentine’s Day preparations allegedly revolve exclusively around convincing his girlfriend that 1988 classic…

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Plane Crash Survivors Impressed by Vegan’s Commitment

Patrick Crooks • February 13, 2021

UNKNOWN — Survivors of Icelandair Flight 198, which crashed somewhere deep in the Arctic tundra last week, lauded vegan survivor…

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Aging Punk in Misfits Shirt Afraid of Teenage Punk Wearing Misfits Shirt

Zac Lux • February 13, 2021

FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — Aging punk and generally anxious person in a Misfits T-shirt Hollie Wallace parked super far away from…

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Lying Sack of Shit “Horse Girl” Tinder Match Shows Up to Date With 2 Legs

John Danek • February 12, 2021

BETHESDA, Md. — “Duplicitous catfisher” and clearly regular homo sapien Colleen Jansen disappointed prospective love match Dominic Sabatino yesterday after…

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$15 Minimum Wage Brings Punk’s Dream of Four-Hour Workweek Closer

Issa Diao • February 12, 2021

HENDERSON, Nev. — Local punk Vince Cannon applauded the proposed raising of the minimum wage to $15 an hour, as…

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