Culture Archives - Page 192

Studies Confirm Average Punk Eats Between Five and Seven Cigarettes in Their Sleep Annually

Matt Bieker • November 29, 2022

PHILADELPHIA — Researchers at Johns Hopkins University confirmed the average American punk consumes a half-dozen cigarettes in their sleep throughout…

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Man Just Playing Hard to Get Rid Of

Sara Mellas • November 28, 2022

WALNUT CREEK, Calif. — Local 27-year-old woman Emily Sinclair continued to be contacted by a former Hinge match in whom…

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Fiscally Responsible Punk Starts Dating Their Drug Dealer

Patrick Coyne • November 28, 2022

PORTLAND, Maine — Frugal punk, and self-described “hopeless romantic,” Tyler Castaneda recently devised a scheme to save money by dating…

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Aging Fans Spend Most of Show Discussing Best Route Home

Doug Kolic • November 26, 2022

LA MESA, Calif. – A group of 38-year-olds attending last night’s Social Narcolepsy gig reportedly spent the entire show discussing…

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Merch Guy Asked to Start Work at 4 a.m. For Band’s Black Friday Deals

Bobby Korec • November 25, 2022

SWEET HOME, Ore. — Local merch guy Adam Planville reluctantly went into work at 4 a.m. to prepare for the…

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Steve-O Trying to Figure out How to Get Black Friday Mob to Trample His Balls

Vince Ratti • November 25, 2022

LOS ANGELES — “Jackass” star Stephen “Steve-O” Glover was spotted early Black Friday morning pensively inspecting the entrance of a…

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Vegas Bookies Set 1:1 Odds of Uncle Bringing Up Benghazi at Thanksgiving Dinner

John Danek • November 24, 2022

LAS VEGAS — Various sportsbooks set the odds of local Uncle Ron Whitmore mentioning the 2012 Benghazi incident during a…

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Vegan at Thanksgiving Dinner Creates PowerPoint to Explain How They Get Their Protein

Amanda Russel • November 24, 2022

MINNEAPOLIS — Longtime vegan Julia Trask presented a full 25-slide PowerPoint explaining how she gets her daily protein to attendees…

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Brewery Full of Bearded 34-Year-Olds Turn Around as Woman Shouts “Hey Matt!”

Matt McInerney • November 23, 2022

SOUTH DEERFIELD, Mass. — Local woman Kelly Flowers nearly caused a riot on Saturday night as she accidentally signaled the…

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5 Creative Thanksgiving Dishes to Make for the Eerie Porcelain Dolls You Call Your Family

Nathan Kamal • November 23, 2022

Traditional boring Thanksgiving dinners are fine for some families, who don't care about celebrating our nation's history with a little…

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