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Phish Fan Saves Money on NYE Tickets by Hallucinating Entire Show From Comfort of Own Couch

WHITES CREEK, Tenn. – Local man Cory Romstead opted to ring in 2023 at home high as hell on his own couch after deciding to not attend this year’s annual New Year’s Eve shows at Madison Square Garden by famed jam band Phish, his gainfully employed roommate confirms.

“I haven’t missed one of Phish’s New Year’s Eve runs since I was twenty, but I just couldn’t swing it this year. I turned twenty-six in August, which is the age my parents said they’d stop paying my rent and car insurance, and when I lost their health insurance as well, and I don’t have access to my trust fund until I turn thirty, so I’m in a weird financial place right now,” said Romstead while defying the winter temperatures in cargo shorts and flip flops. “The tickets and travel are pretty expensive, so I decided to recreate the experience at home instead. I lined up my vinyls of ‘Billy Breathes,’ ‘Farmhouse,’ and’ Lawn Boy’ and ate five grams of mushrooms around eight o’clock. A little bit later, I started to see the stage lights and feel the vibrations, and then suddenly I could see the whole band playing right in front of me. It was incredible, like, dude…historic.”

Romstead’s roommate, Sam Steiner, also chose to enjoy a low-key New Year’s Eve.

“Cory asked if I wanted to join him, but I had dinner reservations with my girlfriend and I’d rather listen to three albums of koala bear mating calls than Phish. I left the house after Cory had just put on the first record,” said Steiner. “When I got home at 1 a.m., he was sitting in the exact same place on the couch, in total silence, just like, moving his hands in front of his face and staring at them. I didn’t engage and went to bed.”

Concert revenue analyst Nat Levinson is uncertain about how psychedelic at-home concert experiences will affect ticket sales in the coming year.

“There’s no denying that we’re heading into a brutal recession, and that will directly impact how much money fans are willing to spend on live music tickets,” said Levinson. “We project that streaming will become increasingly popular for viewing events more affordably, but if you’re telling me this kid had a full concert experience from doing shrooms, that’s certainly something we’ll have to consider. I mean, I took ayahuasca once and saw God, so I’m not surprised a few grams of blue meanies could help a person see Trey Anastasio.”

At press time, Romstead allegedly was looking into acquiring LSD for the Grateful Dead’s farewell tour live stream this spring.