TOPEKA, Kan. — Local guitarist Austin Henderson is reportedly fed up with his father calling his lifelong dream of making a living as a musician “a hobby” for the ninth time this week, confirmed sources currently consoling the son.
“My dad just doesn’t get it, man,” expressed Henderson, 30-year-old frontman of local undiscovered punk band Flyover Pits. “I’ve told him time and time again that he needs to respect my passion if he ever wants backstage tickets when I’m inevitably headlining sold out shows at Madison Square Garden. One day I’m going to get out of this tiny shit-stain of a town thanks to a one-way ticket called music stardom. We’ll see what losers still have the nerve to call my life’s work ‘a hobby’ when Mom Jeans is opening for my shows instead of the other way around.”
Henderson’s father doubled down and defended his resentment of his son’s pursuit of his dream.
“Look, I know everyone loves to hear a good tune at the occasional visit to your local honky-tonk. Don’t get me wrong—music is a fun hobby and all, but it’s definitely no way to support a family of 12 like we typically produce out here in Kansas,” explained Virgil Henderson. “I know he’s worked for this music dream his whole life and all, but it’s not like he’s the next Ted Nugent. Austin needs to just take my advice and sacrifice his soul to work with me at the factory. If he works hard and keeps his head down he can make up to $19 an hour. After all, hopes and dreams are for movies and fantasy sports, not the real world.”
Lifelong fan of Flyover Pits, Trevor O’Kelly, was quick to back up Austin’s passion for performing music professionally.
“Maybe it’s just because I’m pretty much the only fan that goes to his shows and his roommate, but I really feel like Austin’s going places!” cheered Trevor. “Last show he even was able to get at least ten people at the bar to look up from their conversations and notice there was actually a live band playing. Usually they just ignore the band altogether, so I’d definitely call that progress. I have to back up Austin’s dream on this. We really lean on each other, ya know? I support his dream of becoming a famous musician just like he supports my dream of being best friends with a famous musician.”
As of press time, Henderson was further irritated after his father referred to the album artwork he worked hard on as “a little doodle.”