Culture Archives - Page 170

Music Fan Nostalgic for Days when Pitchfork Made Him Feel Like Complete Dumbass

John Danek • May 6, 2023

CHICAGO — Ravenous music fan Terry Manns feels a wistful sense of melancholy for the days when music publication Pitchfork.com…

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Goth Girlfriend, Conservative Dad Bond Over Passion for Taxidermy

Courtney Baka • May 3, 2023

PORTLAND, Ore. — Local man Eric Halverson was relieved to see his new goth girlfriend and his conservative father bond…

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Party’s Craziness Solidified by Presence of Barnyard Animal

Joe Rumrill • May 3, 2023

PONTIAC, Mich. — Several local college seniors impressed guests by enhancing their party’s epicness with the presence of a barnyard…

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“Super Convenient Laundry In Building” Located In Soul-Chilling Murder Dungeon

James Webster • May 1, 2023

KINGSTON, N.Y. — Local woman Kelly Atkins is frustrated with her current apartment, as the listing promised her access to…

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Favorite Band’s “New” Record You Haven’t Listened To Yet Just Turned 10

Dave McNamara • May 1, 2023

PITTSBURGH – Local man Jack “JJ” Jenkins was shocked to find out the “new” album from his favorite band Deer…

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Lesbian Completes Seasonal Changing of the Guard by Swapping Out Flannels for Hawaiian Shirts

Colleen Nerney • April 30, 2023

SARATOGA SPRINGS, N.Y. — Local lesbian Molly Roth recently completed the solemn task known in her community as the “changing…

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Ron DeSantis Signs Bill Limiting Teachers to Only Use TV Cart for “Birth of a Nation”

John Danek • April 29, 2023

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Reactionary governor Ron DeSantis signed a controversial law limiting all use of public school TV carts to…

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Woman Experiments With Bondage By Trying on Jeans From High School

Dom Turek • April 29, 2023

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local woman Tracey Garibay entered the wild world of bondage by trying on a pair of American…

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Man Rolls Own Cigarettes In Order to Save Money and Look Like Complete Asshole

John Danek • April 28, 2023

SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — Insufferable penny-pinching hipster Paul Sandor recently began the cost-cutting and dickhead-looking practice of rolling his own…

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West Pennsylvania 2023 Wine Has Top Notes of Vinyl Chloride

Colleen Nerney • April 27, 2023

PERRYOPOLIS, Penn. — The signature 2023 Chardonnay by Grapes of Wrath winery presents heavily with top notes of vinyl chloride,…

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