Culture Archives - Page 169

Aging Millennial Just Going to Have Quiet St. Patrick’s Day Getting Shitfaced at Home

Ben Friedman • March 17, 2023

NEWTON, Mass. — Local man Jim Conelly announced today that due to aging out of the St. Patrick’s Day bar…

Out of Shape Punk Switches to Weighted Cigarettes

Kyle Duggan • March 16, 2023

PROVIDENCE— 38-year-old punk Richard Locke is trying to improve his physical fitness by switching to a brand of cigarettes heavy…

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Nicole Kidman Video About Importance of Scene Unity to Run Before Hardcore Shows

Tim Graham • March 16, 2023

PENSACOLA, Fla. — A group of show promoters commissioned Nicole Kidman to appear in a video similar to her infamous…

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Horror Movie About Isolated Cabin Ruined by Verizon’s Unrivaled Cell Coverage

Ted Pillow • March 16, 2023

LOS ANGELES — Netflix horror “Under the Floorboards” features a fully accurate depiction of Verizon’s industry-leading cell service, totally undercutting…

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Blood Transfusion Goes Terribly Wrong After Nurses Take Type O Negative Tattoo Literally

Tim Sheard • March 14, 2023

NEW YORK — The medical staff at New York Presbyterian Hospital are facing allegations of medical malpractice after a botched…

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Mia Goth Placed Slightly Offstage at Oscars to Scream at Award Winners Who Go Over Time

Dustin Newman • March 12, 2023

LOS ANGELES — The 95th Academy Awards is expected to feature intimidating English actress Mia Goth slightly offstage and ready…

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Anti-Government Conservative Adds 75th Thin Blue Line Sticker to Truck

The Hard Times Staff • March 12, 2023

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Self-proclaimed freethinker Terry Schuse added a 75th thin blue line sticker to his prized truck despite constantly…

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Oscars Attempt to Engage Younger Audience by Giving Lifetime Achievement Award to Timothée Chalamet

Bobby Korec • March 12, 2023

LOS ANGELES — The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced that 27-year-old Timothée Chalamet will be honored with…

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Death Put On Administrative Leave After Failing to Kill Mitch McConnell

Ben Friedman • March 11, 2023

PURGATORY — The afterlife faced a major shake-up after the Angel of Death was placed on administrative leave for his…

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The Weekly Scene Report: March 11

The Hard Times Staff • March 11, 2023

So you made it through another week, but have you made it through the most important news stories from the…

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