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Nebraska Slaughterhouse Institutes New “Bring Your Child to Work Every Day” Program

DAKOTA CITY, Neb. — Owners of a Nebraska slaughterhouse introduced a new “Bring Your Child to Work Every Day” program that encourages children to learn the ins and outs of the meat processing industry, exhausted sources confirmed.

“This is a fun way for kids to see what it’s like to ‘work’ for a ‘living’ and also helps us reduce overhead expenditures. By working up to 10 hours a day, six days a week they are learning much more than they ever could in school,” said Phil Kramer, President of Empty Meadows Inc. “We’ve even considered paying each child who ‘works’ here a small amount so they learn the value of a hard-earned dollar. And I mean that literally, we give them a dollar a day. But they’ll be starting a new exciting career on the ground floor. Again, that is also literally what I mean — they’re in the basement level because of the low ceilings and the fumes.”

Some children who have begun attending the program say it isn’t exactly as much fun as they thought it was going to be.

“My daddy said I get to go to work with him and play with the cows but when I got there they must’ve been playing too much because they were all on the floor sleeping. They’re so silly!” said nine-year-old Regina Jordan. “Someone must’ve been doing arts and crafts also because there was red paint all over the place! But now I get to wear these silly boots and pants made out of rubber and spray all the red paint off the floors while I play a game called ‘Stay Up All Night’ where I keep spraying until the sun comes up. It was kind of fun but I got real bored and somebody must’ve tooted because it was really stinky!”

Nebraska Lawmaker Robert Clements says if a new bill passes the state Senate, more companies can allow parents to bring their children to work every day as well.

“With an update to the state legislature, we can give children the opportunity to start creating a future for themselves instead of being brainwashed by radical leftist teachers in public schools,” said Clements. “Children will be taught how to make money and develop life skills like cleaning fat tissue from a bone saw, organ disposal, and how to set up smoke screens during surprise visits by the EPA, but more importantly, industries in the state maintain a higher revenue to debt ratio.”

At press time, Jordan had been moved to a new area of the slaughterhouse on her 2nd week of “work” where she gets to put baby chicks on a “fun-looking ride that takes them down some hole somewhere.”