Robert John Scucci
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NUTLEY, N.J. — Local retired baby boomer Grant Walters confirmed that the “something to cry about” threat he used to…
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Joe Rumrill
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BURLINGTON, Vt. — A participant of an impromptu road trip sing-along confidently began the chorus to a popular song a…
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Bex Kane
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RACINE, Wis. — Unconcerned sources report that the clumsy efforts of crowd-killer Danny Wilkins at a house show by local…
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Alex Vlahov
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LEAWOOD, Kan. — Movie theater chain AMC rolled out a new tiered fee system allowing patrons to avoid seats behind…
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James Knapp
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OMAHA, Neb. — An unwanted Line 6 Spider III was recently abandoned on the stoop of the East Omaha Sanctuary…
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John Danek
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HAZLEHURST, Miss. — Indie horror movie “The Scary Place” is leaving primarily Republican audiences in freshly shitted-and pissed-in pants due…
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Patrick Crooks
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TERRE HAUTE, Ind. — Nearly all of the speakers at the service for deceased punk Jeremy Wiggins reported that he’d…
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Kathy Lynch
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OAKLAND – A recent Journal of Musicology paper titled ‘Slow Rides and Fast Cars: The Sound of Reckless Driving’ concluded…
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Patrick Coyne
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DURHAM, N.C. — Allegedly ill punk Tommy Donnelly has taken to his deathbed, which is also his roommate’s used futon,…
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Tyler Roland
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SOUTH KINGSTOWN, R.I. — Ben Bryes, guitarist for local alt-rock band Swiss Army Gun, reportedly switched his instrument while performing…
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