Press "Enter" to skip to content

Aging Punks Bond Over Which Upcoming Shows They Won’t Be Able to Attend

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A group of local punks in their 30s and 40s spent much of their time discussing and bonding over the growing list of shows that they will not be present for, sources close to the scene confirm.

“I was telling the guys that Jeff Rosenstock will be in town in a couple weeks, but I have a wedding to go to the night before,” said Devin Jones, 35-year-old father of one. “Joe said his company was doing inventory that week, so he needed to get to bed early. Nick’s kids play sports, so he’s always running to a practice or a game. Claire said she might go, but she said that when PUP was on tour last year she canceled at the last minute because of a migraine. Turns out we all have a lot in common. I think we’ll be lifelong friends who meet up once every few years, if all goes well.”

Mike Avery, an older guy who seems to be at every single show in the city, said that he has noticed his peers’ tendency to flake out on shows.

“You spend fifteen, twenty years getting to know these guys, only to find out they’re total posers,” said Avery, who had just finished complaining about modern smoking regulations. “I thought we all made a commitment to this lifestyle, but I guess I was wrong. I mean, I got kids, but not when Rancid is in town, you get me? They can make all the excuses in the world, but they’re just phonies. I heard Devin even has a 401(k).”

Sociologist Phillip Mansfield explained that the reasons older punks give for missing shows don’t always paint the whole picture.

“Sure, it’s possible that they’ve got a real scheduling conflict — a niece’s dance recital, an urgent grad school assignment, or an inability to find a babysitter,” said Mansfield, who noted that he rarely attended shows these days. “Usually, though, the real reason these people aren’t going to shows is that they’re just lame now. They used to be cool when they were younger, but they’ve long since become their parents. They’re not ready to admit this, but they prefer to see their favorite bands on YouTube that someone else posted. The silver lining is that bonding over a lack of show participation is the only way to make friends as an adult.”

At press time, Jones was seen sharing a link to an upcoming show in a group text, adding, “Any interest? I know it’s a work night so no big deal” to which no one replied.