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Wedding Venue Demands Merch Cut

CHARLOTTE – Local newlyweds Sarah Jones and Doug Tayler were caught off guard towards the end of their wedding celebration when management from the event venue demanded their merch cut, bewildered sources confirmed.

“Things started feeling funny a few days ago when we started getting emails about merch counts, and whether or not we were providing someone to work the merch table or not” said bride, Sarah Jones. “It just doesn’t seem fair. The budget was already so tight to make this night happen and wanted to provide gifts for attendees, like mugs, hats, and little bottles of whiskey with our names on them, to remember tonight. Before we jumped into the limo to go off to the hotel I got pulled aside by the event coordinator to ‘settle up’ which required us to go over every bit of inventory, we didn’t end up leaving until 4 a.m. because of it.”

Venue officials reached for comment say this is just where the business is headed.

“Listen, I run a respectable business and the economic conditions have required us to get creative,” said Mirage Event Hall manager, Vinnie Spears. “I understand wedding parties pay for the use of our space and to stock the bar and catering, but when we saw that monogrammed tote bag with a heart and the wedding date, I knew we needed a piece of that as well. We’ve literally contributed nothing to the creation of this expression of love and commitment, but without the use of our space, where would they be? Business is business.”

Noting several factors involved in the evolution of this practice, industry consultant, Jessica Lambert, applauded the innovative and ruthless practice.

“Honestly, it’s kinda brilliant and represents the future of this industry,” said Lambert. “Venues are still working through their disputes with live acts at our venues concerning merch cuts, and weddings hadn’t even crossed our minds. These revenue streams are crucial to us remaining viable, as we rebound from the economic conditions of the last few years, the negative press on this issue, and our crippling feelings of inferiority which spawn our entitlement. Although, I would’ve secured rights to their first born.”

Seeing an opportunity, Crazy Uncle Karl, announced he would be selling fee-free bootleg wedding merch across the street in the parking lot.