LOS ANGELES — Actor Mark Wahlberg believes the off-duty Alaska Airlines pilot who tried to take down a plane mid-flight by cutting the engines was thwarted by someone on the plane watching the 2017 comedy “Daddy’s Home 2,” sources confirmed.
“I hate everyone that tries to crash an airplane on purpose. Those people make me sick, and it’s my life goal to personally beat the crap out of someone actively trying to hijack a commercial flight,” said Wahlberg in between pushups. “I wish I could be in the sky with every air traveler just so they can have the peace of mind knowing I’m up in First Class keeping them safe, but I’m just one man and I can’t do that. Thankfully I can use my movies as a vehicle to stop terrorist threats. That madman trying to take down that Alaska flight saw my face on an 8″ screen and stopped in his tracks. I’m not claiming I’m a hero by any means, but there really is no other word for it that I can think of.”
Members of the crew on board the flight recalled the scary incident and refuted Wahlberg’s claims.
“We had to act fast or else we would have been in a free fall with no way of getting the engines back on,” said one of the flight attendants who helped subdue the off-duty pilot accused of trying to take down the plane. “When I got to my hotel that night I had a gift basket from Mr. Wahlberg that had a pre-written thank you note that he wanted me to sign and return back to him for helping save us. But this was one of those small planes with no screens in the seat, so I can say with absolute certainty that nobody on that flight was watching ‘Daddy’s Home 2’ or any Mark Wahlberg film for that matter.”
Katie Thomson, the Deputy Administrator for the Federal Aviation Administration, says Wahlberg is constantly sending safety advice to her office.
“We appreciate Mr. Wahlberg’s enthusiasm for air travel safety, we really do. But I wish he would stop. His last suggestion was full-sized cardboard cutouts of his character from Transformers set up by the cockpit when passengers arrive,” said Thomson. “He believes that will be a big enough deterrent for any potential terrorist. It was better than his last idea, which was serving Wahlburgers on each flight. That would lead to way too much vomit, our skies aren’t capable of handling that.”
At press time, Wahlberg was spotted shirtless under a highly trafficked flight path flexing at the sky.