Press "Enter" to skip to content

The Directions of this 2000s Party Anthem Were Unclear and Now I Actually Just Burned This Club to the Ground

Uh-oh: tonight at the club they were playing some 2000s bangers that advocated for “burning this place to the ground,” and, in a classic case of lyric misinterpretation, I’m on the run from the law and being charged with arson.

Don’t get me wrong—I am against setting fire to a place of business as much as the next guy, but the lyrics were very persuasive and everyone seemed pretty onboard until the smoke filled the club and people started passing out.

In fact, when the song first proposed: “burning this goddamn club to the ground,” I seemed to be the only one questioning the idea. “Oh geez, are you sure?” I thought. But sure enough, the song responded with: “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,” which seemed like a pretty definitive answer.

“Alright, here goes,” I thought as I began dumping gasoline on various surfaces in the club. None of my dancing peers seemed to think much of it, except one guy who had been standing silently in a corner the entire night and seemed pretty eager to join me.

The song had also precautioned about people trying to “shut us down,” so when police cars started to roll in, I figured it was all par for the course of being an early-2000s-style party animal.

Unfortunately, this is not the first time a case of unclear lyrics has led me astray. For instance, I used to be under the impression that girls just want to have fun, but have since learned that this is a grossly exaggerated statement, and that women value other things like their careers and gaining full custody over their children.

Well, thanks a lot, Ke$ha. You could have made it a little more clear that all you meant by “burn this place to the ground” was “do a bunch of cocaine in the bathroom.” Now, because of you, I just set fire to one of my favorite clubs and also kicked the shit out of anybody who didn’t look like Mick Jagger for some reason.