Patrick Coyne, Author at HARDTIMES

May 14, 2019

BOSTON — Popular fantasy author Rick Riordan announced via Twitter today that his character Percy Jackson is a pansexual fuck…

May 9, 2019

What can we do to be truly, wholy “happy?” In my long, arduous 22-year existence, I have found that these…

May 4, 2019

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Local zine Weedkiller published their annual list this morning of the hunkiest, most eligible bachelors of Charlotte’s…

May 3, 2019

Even though it ended in 2013 The Office is more popular than ever thanks to its enduring, relatable characters. The…

April 30, 2019

NEW YORK — Famed film auteur Wes Anderson unceremoniously announced today that his next movie would be about “a sad…

April 24, 2019

ORLANDO, Fla. — Metalhead Brad Fetterman spent several hours yesterday sewing the sleeves back on to his finest Dying Fetus…

April 18, 2019

OMAHA, Neb. — A decades-old Rancid T-shirt finally crossed the threshold last week from a piece of dingy, raggedy garbage…

April 8, 2019

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Local woman Carrie Schwalbach’s new boyfriend is nothing more than a reissued edition of her ex…

April 3, 2019

Fellas, society is changing. And NOT for the better. The fact is, whether you’re a man, a horny cartoon wolf,…

March 26, 2019

MARIETTA, Ga. — Car owner Charlie Simmons admitted today that he swapped out his copy of Belle & Sebastian’s album…