Press "Enter" to skip to content

White Castle Commemorates The Order That Inspired GG Allin to Shit On Stage

NEW YORK — Fast food chain White Castle held a plaque dedication ceremony this morning commemorating the 30 mini-burger order that “encouraged” musician GG Allin’s infamous first on-stage bowel movement, queasy onlookers confirmed.

“Since 1927, White Castle has been responsible for many intense, forthcoming intestinal obligations,” said White Castle CEO Lisa Ingram. “But none of greater importance than the earth-shattering dookie bomb expelled by the brilliant, punk rock icon GG Allin on this day, 25 years ago.”

The bronze plaque, depicting the foul incident in shockingly graphic detail, was unveiled by Ingram in a Brooklyn, N.Y. White Castle location — then immediately re-veiled after several customers vomited.

“The artist clearly worked really hard on this… thing. But I could do without hyper-realistic, cast bronze feces while I’m trying to eat curly fries,” said White Castle patron and accidental ceremony attendee Terry Oliveri.

Ingram later elaborated on the restaurant chain’s unusual place in punk history.

“If you ask me, White Castle is the most punk rock of all of America’s regional fast-food chains,” added Ingram. “Think about it — we’re present in New York’s most destitute neighborhoods, we’re incredibly unhealthy, and we peaked in popularity in the ’80s. What’s more punk than that?”

When asked if she was concerned about White Castle associating with the transgressive and controversial Allin, Ingram offered her assurance.

“Seriously?” she said. “Are you not at all familiar with our restaurant? If anything, this will be the classiest thing about us.”

Allin’s friend and former bandmate William Weber was in attendance, and provided some first-hand details regarding the now-legendary incident.

“People think GG starting shitting on stage to distract from his terrible songcraft and comically undersized penis, but it’s not true — it was the Crave Case he housed an hour before the show,” explained Weber. “I’ve seen that sick fuck slice himself open, drink his own piss, and consume every intoxicant in sight… but watching him wreck a cardboard suitcase full of 30 grease-soaked sliders was the first time I ever really worried about his health.”

At press time, the White Castle in which the plaque was installed has experienced a 500% drop in sales.